


the spiral

by ghoulromantism



Category: Torchwood
Genre: Drabble, Episode: s02e13 Exit Wounds, Gen, Hurt Jack Harkness, Not Beta Read, Team as Family, Temporary Character Death - Jack Harkness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-06
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-12 18:15:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29888565
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghoulromantism/pseuds/ghoulromantism
Relationships: Jack Harkness & Team Torchwood
Comments: 2
Kudos: 12





	the spiral

Jack gasps and chokes on the dirt filling his mouth. Tears fill his eyes as his body once again struggles futilely against the soil surrounding him. The weight of the earth on top of him make his body ache and the lack of oxygen makes his lungs burn and the constant choking makes his throat raw and painful. 

He's lost count of how many times he's died after a dozen, and he can't figure out how long it's been since he's last had the luxury of breathing air instead of dirt, of feeling the warmth of the sunlight instead of the cool dampness of the ground he was buried in. Each reawakening, each gasp as he comes back to life and attempts to breathe, each death feels more painful than the last. 

This is his penance. This is what he deserves. He endures it. 

Everytime he wakes up and suffocates again, as his head starts to spin, he thinks of Gray. No matter how long this loop of life and death drags on for, Jack just can't bring himself to hate his brother. This was all his own fault, after all. If he'd been more careful, if he hadn't let go of Gray's hand, his brother wouldn't have had to suffer the way he had. He would never forgive Jack, and Jack knew he didn't deserve forgiveness, but he wanted it anyway. He selfishly desired nothing more than to be happy with his brother again, as if nothing had changed. 

In his final moments, right before losing consciousness, his mind always wanders back to his team. Gwen, Toshiko, Owen, and of course, Ianto. He thinks of their playful banter across the Hub, their brilliant ideas during meetings, the way they pretended to be exasperated when Jack told them a dirty joke. He thinks of how much he cares for them, how much they love him despite not always being the best leader, how grateful he is to have them in his life. 

His memories of them only seemed to get hazier and hazier over time, but he holds onto them still, and when he sees them smiling in his mind, it keeps him going. He could endure this painful cycle of death for millenia, as long as he was going to see them again in the end. He knew they would do everything in their power to find him. 

And as Jack's heart finally stopped once more, just for a moment before the cycle started again, he was peaceful.


End file.
